I' m scarred

I 'm alone in the flat since Thursday coz my uncle is in Canada. Its been a long time since I have been alone all by myself. The last time i stayed alone was almost two years back when I was in kuwait and did not have Pious for a month and joby was doing night shift. Before that I was left alone at home while my family went for a marriage . I did not go because I had my exams during those days.
So from the last time I was all my myself and today, it’s been a long time. Too long to adjust to being alone. It can get lonely sometimes. Feeling lonely even with people around you is a different matter. I feel that many times. I have felt that since I was a kid and I still feel it mostly.

Living alone gives you a sense of being independent and being answerable to no one but then it comes with its own sense of responsibilities. have to be cautious about everything, the rooms have to be clean, the food has to be cooked, and a lot more things. I have been doing that even when i ws in india,but now it seems different somehow. I was not told that time and I am not told now. Yesterday, I spent almost 3 hours washing and cleaning the kitchen and bathrooms. It was too much of an effort but I guess the place has to be maintained to keep up to a level where it requires minimum efforts to clean up.
When I stayed alone two years back, I had a big 2 bedroom apartment all to myself,joby and pious. I stayed in this big double bed bedroom and that was the time I did not even have a laptop . I only had the TELEVISION and the DVD player which i got from vibin to spend my time. At that time i had many friends and many flats where i can vist frequently.But here things are quite different and having a little friends.i dnt know why m being hesitate to make friends.but i knw one thing this is not my tenure.Recently i becm more close to a Girl who is familiar to me since 2008 may.now she started to act like my younger sister and m enjoying that affection which she showing to me.She declared herself as my younger sister.She z making me smile by some of her comments n i become relax wen i talk to her.her b'day is on jun 11th.what shud i gv to her ??definitely i will send a mail,and i plan to call her on 11th morning.

Day before yesterday I found myself waking in the middle of the night and walking across the house to find out if I had an intruder in the house. What greeted me was the eerie silence of the house. I would end up keeping myself awake and then watching TV in the middle of the night. Watching TV in the middle of the night at any volume without disturbing anyone is one of the advantages of staying alone. While there is nothing to watch on television at 2:00 AM in the night is a major disadvantage of staying awake at such a late hour. So I would spend time watching the “animal palnet or watch the news on Asianet or CNN till my eyes became heavy with sleep again.
Yesterday I woke up in the middle of the night to hear strange noises only to realize later that it was my Cell phone making the noise. I need to control my mind.
I currently live in a big apartment. My flat is at the fifteenth floor while there are still 3 floors above me. The house can get really quite and a small squeak is amplified to become a noise. When uncle was here, i argued him for some political issues, preparing food by listening his nostaligias and sharing my experiences and my dreams about my future wife(he was teasing me when i became talkative about the girl of my dreams).But now when I hear noises of someone moving, I freeze. Even if someone moves in the neighboring flat, it feels like somebody is moving in our house. I close my room door and dare not move out to the darkness of living room. Call me scarred or paranoid or coward, but i was not.I was a person who seen many horror movies and practiced the aujo board to talk to the Spirits.Now iam afraid to move alone in a big house.

I have become very clever, sometimes. Living alone sometimes has its advantage too. When I was alone at my home , my neighbors and cousins were kind enough to send me food everyday. Sometimes I had so much food that some of it was wasted but the gesture was always good for me. Now here when I am alone, I have already got two invitations for dinner tonight. But i dint go. Coz i dint feel lyk.Now i imagine a godess is with me ,for keeping me away from all unnecessary emotional shackles and to love me that noone can in this world.Let me make my little heaven in her lap.............